Jerry James, may be rest in peace.
November, or at least the start of November, always seems to be a difficult time for me. Before the Rona, I used to frequent the cemetery to visit my ex where he is laid to rest on this day. You never forget your first relationship and I will never forget mines. Although I had kiddie short lived “relationships” when I was in Junior high, I really do not count those. Jerry James was my first boyfriend. We met when I worked at the Disney Store, 529, at the nearby mall. It took my best friend to tell me that he liked me because I was oblivious to his flirting even then. To this day I am oblivious if someone liked me.
Because he was my first real romantic relationship, I was never sure if I was even being a good or bad girlfriend to him. We argued a lot about God’s knows what and it was probably petty and dumb now that I think that most arguments and fights are. He was a handsome fellow. He was very kind and he came from a good family. He was the only child and when he passed, I thought about the total devastation that it left his parents. I don’t think it was a mistake that he was born on All Soul’s Day. There were two reasons to visit the cemetery for him, his birthday and the celebration of his soul.
I am squirreling as I write this. It is hard to fight the trauma from losing him and never having that last conversation. Sometimes in the past few years, I also wanted to bypass this day so I wouldn’t have to think about how much it pains me that he is gone. How much I wished that he was still living on the planet even if I wasn’t his wife or the mother of his children. I felt that he left this planet way too soon and he could’ve contributed greatly to the collective. He loved art and had a passion for it. He was a gentle soul.
Today I want to thank him for being my first boyfriend. Thank you for spotting me in the store that I now hate with a vengence. Laughing out loud. Thank you for loving me when I probably was still a brat. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for being you even though I didn’t understand the world yet. Thank you for what you taught me in a short amount of time. Thank you for being in my life. I miss you all the time. I still want that one last conversation but I don’t think I will get that until we meet in Heaven.
I guess I will leave this where this is at for now. Since I have let this one of the bag, I can probably sit and write about this again.
I miss Jerry James very much.
Ah the First Love, no matter what our age. We always have them in our hearts, DD, for sure...when they are gone, it brings the memories back like a flood..