11.2.24: Jerry James
#gratitudeposts
Jerry James, may be rest in peace.
November, or at least the start of November, always seems to be a difficult time for me. Before the Rona, I used to frequent the cemetery to visit my ex where he is laid to rest on this day. You never forget your first relationship and I will never forget mines. Although I had kiddie short lived “relationships” when I was in Junior high, I really do not count those. Jerry James was my first boyfriend. We met when I worked at the Disney Store, 529, at the nearby mall. It took my best friend to tell me that he liked me because I was oblivious to his flirting even then. To this day I am oblivious if someone liked me.
Because he was my first real romantic relationship, I was never sure if I was even being a good or bad girlfriend to him. We argued a lot about God’s knows what and it was probably petty and dumb now that I think that most arguments and fights are. He was a handsome fellow. He was very kind and he came from a good family. He was the only child and when he passed, I thought about the total devastation that it left his parents. I don’t think it was a mistake that he was born on All Soul’s Day. There were two reasons to visit the cemetery for him, his birthday and the celebration of his soul.
I am squirreling as I write this. It is hard to fight the trauma from losing him and never having that last conversation. Sometimes in the past few years, I also wanted to bypass this day so I wouldn’t have to think about how much it pains me that he is gone. How much I wished that he was still living on the planet even if I wasn’t his wife or the mother of his children. I felt that he left this planet way too soon and he could’ve contributed greatly to the collective. He loved art and had a passion for it. He was a gentle soul.
Today I want to thank him for being my first boyfriend. Thank you for spotting me in the store that I now hate with a vengence. Laughing out loud. Thank you for loving me when I probably was still a brat. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for being you even though I didn’t understand the world yet. Thank you for what you taught me in a short amount of time. Thank you for being in my life. I miss you all the time. I still want that one last conversation but I don’t think I will get that until we meet in Heaven.
I guess I will leave this where this is at for now. Since I have let this one of the bag, I can probably sit and write about this again.
I miss Jerry James very much.