From Reckless to Relentless
there once was a pre-covid dd to post-covid dd
Life was a whole lot different for me before covid. I was “runnin and gunnin” as Sam Tripoli would say. I would always pack up my shit and leave at least once a month with my then boyfriend. I was not home so much. And when I was home I was indulging in mindless entertainment, that rotted my brain. It’s hard to believe I was that girl.
I had addictions that came out of me in my thirties. I enjoyed wine and drinking far too much. I went and grabbed a drink no matter what the occasion. I don’t have any children so I was always free to get drunk whenever the fuck I wanted. No real responsibilities on my end.
My shopping addiction came out of me. Shopping used to be a favored hobby among the women in my family. We would go shopping together. It became a past time we all enjoyed. It kinda united the women in my family. However, in my thirties it became a dopamine high. I spent money on shit that I no longer have because I bought low quality goods that no longer fit and things were tied to the cabal. I became a hoarder over things that looked nice but I never had time to wear. I had a dress shopping addiction because I loved pretty things and I loved wearing them.
Something changed in me when my cousin passed in 2017. I didn’t know that my depression then would snowball into the person I am now. The things I did during the lockdowns and the drive to minimalism helped form who I am today. I think about the girl I once was and I’m all “was that really me??”
I VAULE the people in my life a whole lor more now than ever. I give my energy to people, places and things that are worth my energy, also why I am still fucking single. I give my loyalty to where I want it to go to. I still do whatever the fuck I want but I do it for people that matter to me. The movement has mattered to me more than anything I ever did in this lifetime.
Although things are not like they were during the lockdowns, I am still a hermit. I am slow rolling going out to be with my IRL more but not as much as I used to. It still takes a lot out of me to get out of the house. Recent family reunions have made it worth it though. I love seeing my cousins and their children. My many aunts and uncles still make things fun and comfy. However, in stark contrast, my IRL do not give as much to me as the people in the movement.
Sometimes I wonder which side of me is more of a secret undercover life, the movement or my IRL. I have yet to receive a winkers from my IRL though. It might be my “high and hungry” gear that I wear when I go out and about that people do not think otherwise or my Rise Attire gear that blends with the culture here but not much conversation talk with what I wear. No one really cares about what one wears in reality, just wear fucking clothes deemed approriate for the occasion and all will be well.
My little lack of money goes to weed. If I can afford it, I’d meet more people in the movement. I’d be in Florida and Texas in a heartbeat to be with my sisters and brothers. To hug some people I’ve grown to know and love from the depths of my soul would be the greatest thing ever. I know I can spend hours upon hours with the many people in the movement. I would drop my shit if someone came to visit me. “Sorry streamers, yall are gonna have to wait ..such and such came to visit and we gonna chill.” Oh boy, what a dream would that be. God, make that a reality.
So what I’m saying, as I usually do, I LIVE FOR THE MOVEMENT. I do as I does nowadays FOR the movement. I love the movement and I am not leaving.
I still hope we can hang out someday! 😊🫡
discodaphne, thank you for sharing this information....it is extremely hard to loose a Child...my heart goes out to you, my friend. I to lost a baby, while pregnant. She would be 35 now.....sometimes....it helps to share....because it helps others.. Thank you!