Jaded Romanticals: Burn Out

#ddsingleforever Part 6

Ever felt so burnt from the last thing that it seeps into the next?? That’s how I feel right now. I feel like no matter how hard I feel like I want to get out of this phase, the haunting of the last burn is haunting me. Even though this time I have more people praying for me, it still seems very hard at this moment in time.

I am reading books and sinking myself into ways to remain hopeful and that I have been through this before. To feel what I am feeling but to not live there. “This has happened after Chuy and it’s happening again,” I keep telling myself.

Well that was in my 30s and things are a wee bit difficult in your 40s.

I am in a fortunate time to be alive. I hang out with many awakened people and I love to do what I do there. I have became close to a lot of like minded people and have a handful of #GodNods along the way. I DO NOT TAKE ANY ONE OR ANYTHING FOR GRANTED. I am utterly thankful for the CQMMUNITY.

It hurts to have loved and tried and loved and tried. I have been infiltrated a few times and it hasn’t been great. I can type all about the bad things but this is not the post for that.

Now I have also come across the old feelings of betrayal, disloyalty, and dishonor. The emotions that came with that led me to a deep dark depression back in the day. I still feel it in my body. And there are levels of betrayal. It’s not black and white. How one situation was easier to forgive than the other one.

I am doing my best to not lose my shit.