Tosses monkey wrench.. Hey God, its dd. let's make this a round number and let's give my haters THE MOST SATISFACTION and make me single for a roundabout 10 FUUCQIN years. Ok... go laugh now.
OK… maybe no life partner til I turn 50.
Because that how it feels like the cards I am dealt with. When men choose to no longer participate and remain to not “play in the game,” what trickles down to the women who are still interested in traditional roles?
My “Aye Hiya” posts may seem that I am irritated that the people in my life seem to want me to have a fulfilling relationship with a man. However, there is a lot of truth and alignment with that train of thought. Filipinos keep strong family traditions. It has always been that way for me. I just couldn’t see myself spending a lifetime with any of my exes.
My "Aye hija..." Posts
Before the Jaded Romanticals, there was the “Aye hija… “ posts. I am linking two of them here so you can get even further as to how things have been in my life.
Although I talk to a lot of people most days, I still feel like no one wants to really want to speak to me so I turn my phone off a lot. Sometimes my Mom wonders why I never answer because my phone is usually off. I am suddenly not happy with the internet and the social medias and all I wanna do is turn it off and watch a podcast on YouTube. (I know I am still on the internet but I am not in any contact with anyone,)
I say all this because: how on earth would someone find you if you are not on the internet?
I came to this “great awakening” hoping to find a homie that is like minded. We are now at 5 years later since I entered in on the digital battlefield and things just seem impossible or unattainable. Someone has yet to come out here to date me. Someone has yet to do all the “things” that would make one get into a relationship with another. That’s why this all seems so hard and impossible.
The men that I “almost” had relationships with are the ones that strike me today when I think about things. The Swiftrocks, Chris Hawkins, the Franciscos and the Arthurs in my life that seem to be far more important to me because I would be living in a completely different timeline if I ever became any one of those men’s girlfriends. Perhaps I may be living in Brazil now if I things worked out differently. I can blame the lack of money for that because that is the root reason why most of those relationships never took off.
I know that people wonder about who will take care of me and how things will be like for me once both my parents pass. Of course it’s been on my mind since the jab and has been ever since. People would prefer me to find love and be in a relationship where they know I won’t be scammed or screwed over by someone that may have bad intentions for me in the future. People are thinking it, they just aren’t saying it. I also know that I can still get screwed and burned in a relationship but at least a partnership would appear to be a relief for people to see.
One of the moments getting back into the Great Awakening, God told me to move to the South in late 2020s or 2021. However, that dream or push to wanting to find a way to move over there also feels hard. My cousin and his wife took that route instead during the scamdemic and I haven’t found the time or money to even visit them.
Love just seems impossible as much as I keep giving it to God.
DD, I understand where you are coming from. You are part of the Awakening as well, you don't want to take a leap without GOD. This right here: " God told me to move to the South in late 2020s or 2021. However, that dream or push to wanting to find a way to move over there also feels hard." DO IT. If he is telling you, there is a reason, my friend. HE will provide.
You are going to be ok Daphne. God always provides and even more so for those who give Him credit for the grace He gives them. I know being alone is frustrating, but go forward knowing that what God has for you is sufficient:) & you may just find that what you are looking for was always right there for you to enjoy.
I have fought my way through life always looking for the next high(not drugs) extreme fun, but what I found after my sons birth was not a thing I thought meant so much actually meant nothing to me as my child fulfilled everything for me.
While I will always love his mother their presence missing from my daily life keeps me empty…but God filled that void and gave me purpose to move forward.
I. Now you have thr will and the way to do what you need to for Gods future plans for you sister. ML